Saturday, May 29, 2010

8:12 PM

Are humans so lost that we seek answers in anything we can find? From the ancient myths and legends that were meant to explain the forces to nature, to the rapidly growing congregations of religions, self-help groups and what-nots. All these seem to be aimed at providing humans with some sort of meaning in life, or to search for your soul or some lost part of yourself so you can be fulfilled and happy and confident.

I admit, I am still lost as to my exact direction in life, I do not feel like a success in any way, but I wonder on this trend of searching for yourself. Are we all so in need of answers that we will stop at nothing to find them, to poke holes in our lives to see how the fabric of our lives was woven together, and to make sense and psychoanalyse every single thing that has been said and done? I know it helps some, and there has really been cases of people finding themselves and changing from unhappy people to being confident and fulfilled. But I wonder, is there really such a stage that is attainable? We are humans; none of us are without desire - if we were, the Buddhists (to give an example) would not be searching so hard for nirvana within themselves. At which point would you say that you are happy and fulfilled? Won't that be the end of life for you, since you have already attained everything you ever wanted?

What is this "meaning in life" people talk about anyway? I cannot profess to understand the purpose of which each of us were brought to this earth, and the way each of us leave. Why is it that some can live such long lives, while others get theirs cut off tragically at a point where they should still have so much in front of them? All I know now is that I am here, and alive. But I don't need all the answers. I just want to do the best I can, everyday, to make sure that I do not let myself down. Whether I am doing that or not, I do not want some group to tell me. There is strength in numbers, yes, and there is that sense of belonging when you are part of an in-group. But I'm not sure about how trustworthy each of these groups are - taking in people who feel lost and alone, and in some way indoctrinating them with their particular set of beliefs. Sounds like some sort of exploitation to me.

Do not get me wrong - I am not putting down or insulting any organised group. I'm merely voicing my own thoughts. These groups definitely have done good and encouraged many. But for myself, I do not really see the point at this stage in my life to join such groups in order to "find myself" or "become a better person". Let me find answers on my own. It might be slower, yes, but at least I am sure that it was not under some group or peer pressure/influence. Let me find my own path in life, at my own pace, thank you very much.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

12:36 AM

Do I have the aunt agony face? Or am I so easygoing people think I will agree to any request? I just want to spend a relaxing weekend, thank you very much.

Ok I'm tired.