Monday, October 05, 2009

9:29 PM

Life after graduation is overhyped.

Or maybe I'm biased, since I am stuck in a rut with no end in sight.

Its really sad, I think, when I still can't find a permanent position that I like and that provides a minimal amount (at least) of fulfillment, both intellectually and financially. And I can't seem to find anyone to complain to, since most of my friends are working in full-time positions, which, to a large extent, are financially fulfilling. Many are so busy they have no time to contemplate whether they get any other kinds of satisfaction from their jobs, or they don't see it as a priority. My situation right now is the complete opposite. I am not really busy, or rather, I get really easily distracted by other online sites and activities in the midst of having work to do. IF i have work to do. But nothing excites me anymore. I am just living each day as it comes, looking forward to lunch if I'm meeting friends, or after work if I'm meeting them then, or simply just to get to sleep on the bus.

I was just drifting through the motions while preparing for a shower the other day when I suddenly realized that I have not been singing in the shower for a long time. Sounds potentially embarrassing, yes, but it usually is a reflection of my mood, and of the songs that I was currently in love with. But it had not happened for a couple of months, after I started work. Was I so unhappy even at the start? Or was I simply so drained from work life that I didn't have the strength to even feel anymore? Or perhaps, I have not had the chance to enjoy music as I did before I started work. I don't know the exact reason, but all three seem plausible, and quite depressing, really.

This is going to be a preview to the rest of my life. Even studying, if that ever comes to fruition, will only be a temporary reprieve. Right now I am thinking of possible ways to alleviate this situation, but it will definitely result in more spending, which, to be honest, is not my current favourite activity. Looking at my pathetic bank balance totally kills the urge to indulge, if there is any time for it at all.