Thursday, October 29, 2009

1:02 AM

'Tis the season for interviews man. Just got notice for my 3rd one this week!

I hope I can wing it though, can't find the job scope anymore. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

8:05 PM

I need to re-evaluate my job-search priorities. Because my current list is making me go around in circles and inducing not-so-smart decisions.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

12:06 PM

I think there's some clash in 8 characters for me and a certain ministry that has a MP with the same surname. Twice I was called for interviews, twice something happened that made me unable to attend the interview! This time I even made it there before everything came to a halting stop. Don't ask, too embarrassing to say. Haha.

Hopefully my next two interviews go well! If you know, you know. If not, don't ask till they are over, don't wanna jinx myself any further. Hope the job scopes are ok as well. Job search is a bitch man! I want this over and done with SOON.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

5:16 PM

I'm unemployed again!

Not exactly unhappy about it ending, just about how it ended. Could have been a better and less abrupt parting, methinks.

Slacking at home after working regular hours is letting me do more things at home then I did previously, which is good, though it kinda gets boring after awhile. I guess I should get myself out to do some part-time work soon. Anyone with lobang?

On the job search front, I do hope this Sunday goes smoothly and I move on to the next selection round. I am rather attracted by the prospects of one of the departments, though it is rather hard to get in.

Side note: In this era of information overload, some things should still not be shared too openly with others. I don't mean to be rude, but i'm not that much of a voyeur that I would be so very interested in every nuance of someone else's life. 点到为止, you know? A summary is enough, please spare me the details, especially when they are not that appealing to me. Thank you very much.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

3:01 PM

I realize that there is even a hierarchy for complaints. You don't go into a conversation thinking I want to have a commiserating session because there is definitely a difference to the level of grouses you have. Unless you are complaining about the same thing, which would make it bitching.

Here is the hierarchy of complaints, something I gathered from all my friends, who somehow seem to be not as happy before. Welcome to working life.

1. Financial difficulties. Nothing spells misery more than debts, except perhaps more debts.
2. Overloaded with work. While finances make the top of the list, this is the most frequent complaint. You can't spew your frustrations about finances to everyone as it is somewhat a private matter, but workload is THE COMPLAINT. Most socially accepted. It seems you gain an immediate group of friends once you contributing to this particular conversation.
3. Office politics. Working is hard enough, but you have to deal with more human-related problems? Start your bitching man!
4. Family problems. 'Nuff said.
5. General unhappiness. "Why is my life so boring?" "I have no life!"

Having nothing to do at work never makes it to the list. Because people assume you are enjoying your slacking time. Having nothing challenging at work doesn't make the list as well. Because, well, it apparently does not tire you out as much as "the amount of work I have".

11:47 AM

I need to remember that this period is but a transitory one.

Put it to fruitful use and discover what I really want to do with my life, I say.

Then again, all talk is cheap. Words, more so.

Monday, October 05, 2009

9:51 PM

Thank goodness for this blog which no one visits anymore. I need a place to rant badly without irritating other people who are all so busy with their own lives right now. I have experienced for myself how some friends really grew up alot in the space of one or two months after starting work, but for myself, I still feel like I'm stuck in the middle, traipsing the space between working adult and student/bummer.

Nothing really happens at work for me to learn from anymore; my learning curve had long since ended with my internship. I am not saying anything against the company, but simply that I am well past the time when I feel that I am able to grow through my experience with them. This therefore results in this disgustingly irritating period of self-pity and overreactions (simply because I have to exercise off my frustrations somewhere, and thus ends up in my thinking too much).

Its not like I have stopped searching for jobs, but you can only be enthusiastic up to a certain point, when things start to merge into one and you lose the drive to continue with your search. That is the stage I am at now. Yes I was shortlisted for something, but that still seems so far away and unreachable that I have not even started preparing for it. I just want to relax every evening when I come home from work and I don't want to spend weekends on anything but leisure. Yes, part of it is sloth, but I do realize that it might not be a good idea to work fulltime and apply for other jobs at the same time. But I'm not sure if I am worn out due to my current situation, or if I am simply such a lazy person that I cannot stand clocking in normal working hours, 5 days a week.

What makes this even worse is that I can't seem to complain about it to anyone. 1) No one really understands the situation because they are either really working or not working at all; 2) There are a few with much worse situations compared to me that my problems seem to be insignificant and unworthy of complaint when I am with them. Hence me, here, writing. I need some meaning in my life. Or some more significant brain activity that does not involve reiterating boring content over and over or conjuring up flowery phrases to describe mundane things.

9:29 PM

Life after graduation is overhyped.

Or maybe I'm biased, since I am stuck in a rut with no end in sight.

Its really sad, I think, when I still can't find a permanent position that I like and that provides a minimal amount (at least) of fulfillment, both intellectually and financially. And I can't seem to find anyone to complain to, since most of my friends are working in full-time positions, which, to a large extent, are financially fulfilling. Many are so busy they have no time to contemplate whether they get any other kinds of satisfaction from their jobs, or they don't see it as a priority. My situation right now is the complete opposite. I am not really busy, or rather, I get really easily distracted by other online sites and activities in the midst of having work to do. IF i have work to do. But nothing excites me anymore. I am just living each day as it comes, looking forward to lunch if I'm meeting friends, or after work if I'm meeting them then, or simply just to get to sleep on the bus.

I was just drifting through the motions while preparing for a shower the other day when I suddenly realized that I have not been singing in the shower for a long time. Sounds potentially embarrassing, yes, but it usually is a reflection of my mood, and of the songs that I was currently in love with. But it had not happened for a couple of months, after I started work. Was I so unhappy even at the start? Or was I simply so drained from work life that I didn't have the strength to even feel anymore? Or perhaps, I have not had the chance to enjoy music as I did before I started work. I don't know the exact reason, but all three seem plausible, and quite depressing, really.

This is going to be a preview to the rest of my life. Even studying, if that ever comes to fruition, will only be a temporary reprieve. Right now I am thinking of possible ways to alleviate this situation, but it will definitely result in more spending, which, to be honest, is not my current favourite activity. Looking at my pathetic bank balance totally kills the urge to indulge, if there is any time for it at all.