有的只是「必然」。

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

10:09 PM

Election fever has hit our dear sunny little island. To be honest, I never expected the wave of political awareness hit our country so soon and so completely. It marks the start of a new era for our country's politics, and I sincerely hope this will be a sustained change.

I have been following the news on the elections. While I am unable to recite the names of all the new candidates, and tick off all the candidates contesting in the different constituencies, I believe I have gotten the gist of the message. The opposition this time has sent a strong signal to both the ground and the ruling party that they mean business, and they want a stronger voice within the government. These are exciting times for Singapore politics, and I'm overwhelmed by the progress.

All my life, I have been taught a certain way, through a certain system, and inculcated with certain values. It is safe to note that the main message brought forth has always been to not rock the boat, and to not try to fix what is not broken. We see so many new, well-qualified candidates emerging from the Opposition's ranks this election, and it has made me wonder. Some of them are my age, some are much older, but we have all gone through the exact same system. In this land where pragmatism has been the buzz-word since day one, and where caution is advised in every step we take, it is inspiring to see so many individuals like myself step forward and plunge themselves into the deep sea of politics using a small dinghy called the Opposition. Given the calibre of quite a few, they could have chosen the large cruiser, but they did not. The path less taken has finally been been acknowledged, albeit by only a few, as a valid route by itself.

While tracking the Nomination Day status on Twitter (the wonders of new media!), I was really worked up. Someone asked me why I was so excited about the elections. How can I not be, when this represents such an important milestone in our lives, in our history? Finally, our ruling party is being tested on the ground by other credible individuals who also want to serve. I can sense the quiet determination in the strategies put forth by these parties - the incumbent MPs who gave up their seats to contest in a GRC where a respected MP holds fort. The determination to have a bigger voice in Parliament shines through, especially since they might eventually end with zero seats.

How can I not care? I am given a choice, the first in my 25 years, to help decide who I want to sit in that room debating and proposing policies. I am not anti-establishment, but I cherish the chance I have to exercise my vote. Any party which has able candidates should be given a fair chance to speak their share. The ability to tell whether a person is sincere is not something that can be taught through formal education, despite what some publicised studies have been trying to tell us.

It definitely is important to remember the progress and the work that it took to bring us to where we are today. However, we should keep in mind that gratitude is not the best way to bring forth a credible and accountable government. Moreover, the exceptional individuals who brought us this progress have mostly left. We should therefore look at their successors, and whether they are the best people for the job. We all go through interviews for our jobs, and this is no different. Politicians must have the courage and strength to stand up to the public's scrutiny, while the public must be given a choice.

We get a voice. That is what this year's election is about, whatever the outcome.

Friday, March 11, 2011

10:11 PM

I'm so glad I didn't get 4 As for my A levels.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

10:32 PM

Its really true how you can find so many different new things in a book even if you have read it so many times before. At every stage of your life, at every new reading, something you never saw in comes up. Everytime. Its really amazing.

Thanks to the wonders of technology (and phone apps), I have just started re-reading an old favourite of mine. A classic, really, but I don't believe many have read it. If they have, probably not past the first book, because its the most famous, and I won't have known there were sequels if I had not stumbled across them one day so long ago in the library (yes, I used to visit the library very often. I should make it a habit nowadays too).

Anyway, the book I have rediscovered is Anne of Green Gables. And there are 7 more books after that extending her story throughout her life. Its incredible how this one book can immediately cheer me up. I get to see the world through Anne's eyes again, and she is one who can look at almost anything and create a whole world of imagination. Somehow it has freed me from the mundane existence I think I lead now, and helped me to appreciate things much more. She lives in a beautiful countryside, with a brook and a tree just outside her window. I had envied my Swiss buddy for having a green hill as a backyard, but at least I live in Singapore, with its clean streets and greenery everywhere. She appreciates and she loves, and I think I had forgotten how to do that for a while.

I think it was really timely for me to discover these books again, because I had grown so tired of everything, and my issues with work had threatened to overshadow all other aspects of my life. But now I remember that there is so much more to life, to appreciate, to love, to live.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

11:42 PM

Another year has begun. Let all the unhappiness of the past year go with the conclusion of this chapter - let's start with a new slate.

I'm beginning to explore my options once again. From the previous year's desperation to be employed, to having held a "proper" job for one year, I must say the ideals I hold still ring true. I still believe that I can find satisfaction in my work and that there is one job that you can do everyday and not get tired of it. So far, I honestly confess that I have not found it yet. The changes in my portfolio notwithstanding, I don't think I have been stretched in my area of work, in the way that I want. Sometimes I feel that I have to dumb myself down in order to communicate with others at my workplace. That may sound snobbish, but that's who I am. I want to work in an environment that stimulates me to think and grow intellectually, and not just pander to so many other people's needs as if I live to serve them.

I'm not a customer service-type and never will be. I have affirmed this fact for so long, but my attempt to communicate this somehow could not get through to my supervisor. He told me that "sometimes in life, you cannot always get what you want". Maybe so, in terms of how things out of your control might just happen. But I believe you can take control of the aftermath, and that's what I'm going to do. I can't always get what I want in life, but my job is not my whole life. Staying is not the only option. If I can find something else that offers me what I much prefer, why should I stay? He has his point of view, I have mine. If these do not and cannot coincide, then we have reached a parting of ways. No point making myself unhappy in this way.

So any new options, please present to me. Yes, you, the one who still remembers the presence of this blog. :D

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

10:01 PM

I must seriously learn how to return curveballs back to the thrower. Even if it is someone who works closely with me all the time. I'm so pissed right now I can't even think straight. Delayed reaction, maybe, since this happened in the morning and I'm more worked up right now, but I seriously cannot believe that someone's oversight suddenly became evidence of my incompetence. I won't be appeased till I've vindicated myself.

Monday, September 20, 2010

11:01 PM

After starting work, it seems very easy to lose yourself. Because the routine is so fixed and the hours so long, its just very comfortable to go with the flow from one day to another without thinking - wake up, work, go home, sleep, then wake up again. The difference between school and work life is so vast that you sometimes have to take some time to realise that you have actually stopped all the activities you used to love. All the things that used to define you while you were in school - besides studying - have suddenly disappeared together with your flexible schedule.

It now turns out that you actually have to make time for these activities, because they can no longer take up the core of your time. And that's the part I still cannot reconcile with. The dilemma between holding a job with regular hours means you don't get to enjoy and plan your day as you want. There is always a schedule you have to follow, people you have to meet, issues you have to follow up with - all of these mean that your time is no longer at your own disposal. Unless you are your own boss, that is. Then again you would probably have other issues to worry about.

Up till now I am still holding onto the illusion that flexible working hours or working from home is a much better lifestyle choice than what I am currently experiencing. That is not to discount the fact that I find the work I do fulfilling at times (because some are just mundane, boring tasks which are time-sensitive but not at all important), but I am still very envious of those who get to spend daytime out of the office, even if it means they are still doing work. But whether its just a fallacy of greener grass, I can't tell, not from where I am standing now.

How is it that we all must learn to give and take - freedom to schedule your time for respectable, stable jobs and salaries; the student without a care in the world (exams and papers don't count) for the very real adult worries.

But this is a reality I have to face, at least for now, before I discover any other viable paths that lead me away. Its not that bad a situation, but I do lament, rather much, that loss of innocence and those halycon days.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

8:12 PM

Are humans so lost that we seek answers in anything we can find? From the ancient myths and legends that were meant to explain the forces to nature, to the rapidly growing congregations of religions, self-help groups and what-nots. All these seem to be aimed at providing humans with some sort of meaning in life, or to search for your soul or some lost part of yourself so you can be fulfilled and happy and confident.

I admit, I am still lost as to my exact direction in life, I do not feel like a success in any way, but I wonder on this trend of searching for yourself. Are we all so in need of answers that we will stop at nothing to find them, to poke holes in our lives to see how the fabric of our lives was woven together, and to make sense and psychoanalyse every single thing that has been said and done? I know it helps some, and there has really been cases of people finding themselves and changing from unhappy people to being confident and fulfilled. But I wonder, is there really such a stage that is attainable? We are humans; none of us are without desire - if we were, the Buddhists (to give an example) would not be searching so hard for nirvana within themselves. At which point would you say that you are happy and fulfilled? Won't that be the end of life for you, since you have already attained everything you ever wanted?

What is this "meaning in life" people talk about anyway? I cannot profess to understand the purpose of which each of us were brought to this earth, and the way each of us leave. Why is it that some can live such long lives, while others get theirs cut off tragically at a point where they should still have so much in front of them? All I know now is that I am here, and alive. But I don't need all the answers. I just want to do the best I can, everyday, to make sure that I do not let myself down. Whether I am doing that or not, I do not want some group to tell me. There is strength in numbers, yes, and there is that sense of belonging when you are part of an in-group. But I'm not sure about how trustworthy each of these groups are - taking in people who feel lost and alone, and in some way indoctrinating them with their particular set of beliefs. Sounds like some sort of exploitation to me.

Do not get me wrong - I am not putting down or insulting any organised group. I'm merely voicing my own thoughts. These groups definitely have done good and encouraged many. But for myself, I do not really see the point at this stage in my life to join such groups in order to "find myself" or "become a better person". Let me find answers on my own. It might be slower, yes, but at least I am sure that it was not under some group or peer pressure/influence. Let me find my own path in life, at my own pace, thank you very much.